I used to avoid twin flame/soul mate content and to a certain extent I still do.
There’s something slightly jarring to me – this model relationship that arrives only when you love yourself hard enough or the person sent to destroy your life (or you theirs) to set you back on your path – despite you praying for soft life and long-term union – that will never leave your system until you love yourself hard enough. Then there’s the overlap of the two and then there’s working out which one is which, and which one you’re currently in.
This is what me and an ex found ourselves doing on a long drive back from the countryside. The sun was setting, we got a bit quiet and the mood got a bit serious. We were listening to Matt Khan’s ‘Soul Contracts, Twin Flames & Soul Mates’, and found ourselves flitting between the different labels.
This feels like companionship and matching/elevating each other’s better qualities – but it also feels like disrespect, the ‘perpetual villain/perpetual victim’ dynamic and blatant incompatibility.
I think we both knew it was ending, and we didn’t need this video to tell us.
Today I find myself meditating on my desire for companionship but also my struggle to sustain one. Sure, there are two parties involved, but when we don’t accept or shed light on our toxicity we are doomed to rinse and repeat. Different people, same characters.
To be frank, my pattern has felt like me being the person sent to accelerate someone’s growth until they find their right fit (oh, how very selfless of me), or meeting the kind of relationship I’ve prayed for but feeling utterly unworthy (and unconsciously sabotaging it every step of the way), or confusing the initial chemistry with long-term compatibility or the shit-storm that gets shittier but we’ve already come so far – why stop now!
The first step is reflection
The second step is acceptance
The third step is saying ‘I don’t know how to do this’.
The fourth step is…well this remains to be seen.
Let’s check in this time next year ;)
I LOVE this so much! A past version of me can relate to this in many ways and layers. Thank you for sharing, as always. I love seeing your emails pop up in my inbox <3