Writing and then deleting paragraphs not my norm for this newsletter, but here we are.
It was an elaborate narrative that read eloquently, but it felt very frivolous, detached and skittish. These things are all fine, but that’s not where I am today or right now. I like to flex, but I’m trying to be honest here. Even if I don’t say everything, it shouldn’t be a lie.
£$Y*!@$ is how I feel. Opaque.
I had therapy today and we touched on the things that are trying to find a place to go. Grief is the muted backdrop of this city.
I’m thinking that it would have been OK to use the remainder of today to rest or soak in my bath a little longer.
Maybe I go back to writing these in the mornings when I’m a blank canvas. When the air is still.
(there I go again being controlling)
I set Wednesday as the day, but who is flogging me?
I’m proud of myself for showing up here today, though.
Consistency is cute.