86. Are you gonna cry now?

Welcome to cancer season…

Cancerians are the moody zodiac sibling.

We are known to hermit, brood and nest; retreating into cool cavernous shadows, sidestepping across pebbles bathed in moonlight.

The ‘overly sensitive crab’ archetype is one we are typically known for, no thanks to pop astrology, and it is one I try to push against.

I do not celebrate it and I especially do not feel celebratory in cancer season.

Embracing my sensitivity has taken work and I still have a long way to go. My name is saved as ‘fragile’ in my sibling’s phone. This is their ongoing training to soften their approach before they ring me. Their brash, thoughtless aries mercury to my cancer sun is a recipe for battle. I respect the method.

Someone I used to date would often tease me about how easily I would cry, peppering a simple conversation about something completely unrelated with ‘are you gonna cry now?’ before chuckling. It then became a game to see how long I could go without folding. I racked up a few months.

I spent the better part of a recent group outing in silence - overwhelmed, overstimulated and moody. The shift was subtle and I could feel myself shutting down. It is difficult for me to speak through these moments; group dynamics can be hit or miss for me, as can overly talkative people. I usually brood in solitude. I find it easier to put it on other people or other things. I find it embarrassing to be witnessed in this way.

I have explored whether my emotional fluctuations are seasonal, astrological, spiritual or psychological. All of the above have credence. Now it’s about what to do with it.

What I do know is I want to be able to talk through my mood shifts without shutting down. I know that I do not want to be draining or a burden or negatively shift the vibe of the room (unless that is my absolute intention, in which case fuck them). I do want to reach a point of acceptance; I want to accept the shifts could be energetic or an imbalance. Accept the truth or a diagnosis. Both can be true. Both can be OK.

Welcome to cancer season - cry, brood, embrace the tide, bake a pie, nest or build a home.

Until next time xo

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